Bloody Binds and Watery Bonds

"Blood is thicker than water" is a commonly used phrase that most of us have used at some time in our lives. But as common its usage is, so uncommon is the philosophy behind it.

As I decided to overcome my raging hatred towards that individual and do the right thing, I was conflicted with thoughts of anger. It was as if I was burning with fever and yet subjecting myself to an icy shower. My mind began reacting in a confused manner unable to process the quick change of stance from hatred to concern.

Determined to make it to the wake, I mustered up the courage I needed to walk up to the objects of my despise as the subject no longer existed. With his passing away, his death robbed me of a reason to hate. Left behind were the ashes of a fire that never consummated. Ashes, sprinkled on rocks and boulders, laying claim to the person that was; still marking his domain. All I could do is sweep the grey-white  powder that signified my anathema, looking at the rocks afresh with new purpose.

I walked up to his wife and offered my condolences to her in consolation while she whispered that she never stopped loving me. I am unable to give her a better personification than being his wife. It still needs to sink in that she is my aunt. I hushed her. There were going to be other times to have this conversation. She extended her arms to hug me. I relented, at first, thinking of it as a cursory obligation to fulfill. 

But as we hugged, a new fire lit inside of me. A fire that signified care, belonging, hope. What was meant to last a few brief seconds turned into a warm minute. I transported in time to the joys I had experienced with her when I was a child. All the fun and frolic, the outings, the movies we saw. Those were good times. And she was a part of not just my anger in the recent past but of the happiness of an earlier past.

I think I made the right decision to make this trip. The moment was precious, one to cherish. But will it sustain is something I need to evaluate. Was it her mournful loss that made me tender towards her or will the ire truly metamorphose into a different and positive emotion is still a question... 

The Death Of A Cause

Just got the news that a member of the extended family passed away. God rest his soul.

This person, in his lifetime, singlehandedly redefined a part of our future. He took us from our moderate means and pushed us down to morsel measurers. I grew up with a burning hatred for him that turned into an intense level of disassociation with all of his family.

And now he is no more.

It definitely does not reverse the past. But what does it do to the future. While he awaits his judgement should I continue to maintain my emotion with no cause anymore? Or should I treat him and his wrongdoings as bygones and progress further from an emotion with no release...

This is a defining moment in time. One where I can either put all the past behind me and come to terms with the present and future or I can continue glooming into what was and disengage with what could be.

I have a cousin out of this relationship. I don't know whether to acknowledge him as an individual or treat him as the next of kin and pass onto him the mantle of my hatred.

With his passing away, God rest my soul.

Love Cola - There is only so much in every bottle

Love energy (corny but go with me) is like fizzy soda... a newly dispensed can has pent up bubbly bottled in, waiting to let lose. Once out and it has proven it self, there is no more to go around until you buy the second can.

The pure enthusiasm of fresh love makes people do crazy things, just to prove the intensity of their emotion or the ferocity of their passion. It's a drug that shoots through your brains shorting the synapses and fuzzing your personality into doing things you never would.

And then the ebullience quickly fades away with every use of the pepper spray of zealousness. All that is left behind is normalcy. Rational decisions. Weighted discussions. Plateaued relationships...